7.24.2006

7/01/06

What a...week. I'm not sure if I could find one word to sum it all up with. Wait. Roller coaster. How appropriate, the theme was "thrill ride." The place was so beautiful. There was a brooke that flowed down the mountain, and through a prayer garden. A treasured memory was made there, actually, there were two. One was a quiet time on Psalm 1, under trees that lined the brooke bank. As I walked away, God surprised me with a firefly - and then more. I so love fireflies. The second was Thursday night. It was the night of the break-down. I just sat on the most hidden, tree surrounded bench and cried out. I sang to Him. He gave me a light show. We held hands that night in worship. It was our date. The best date I've ever been on...but could I have honestly expected any less? I desire intimacy like that with Him every day-the kind that's stronger and newer each time.

7.20.2006

Update

As of Monday, I’m staying in Jacksonville. No UM for me. The day I finally got a peace about staying at lame UNF, I got the acceptance letter. I had previously said that if I got accepted I was going. God doesn’t make things that easy.

I was trying to run away. I thought if I could get away from all the places and the questions and the disappointed faces, it’d be easier to deal with. Running to Mobile wasn’t the answer. Running to God was.

I can’t leave this church, or these girls. Especially these girls. I know in a sense I already did…but I’m gonna grab on to this single season and take advantage of every opportunity to grow spiritually and serve gladly.

God whispered something to me in a Bible study back in March: The Christian life is not a call to convenience. You’ll rarely ever see the words “Christian” and “convenient” in the same sentence. So, here I stay in J–ville, at the not-so-lovely University of North Florida, despite how utterly inconvenient it’s destined to be at times.

7.18.2006

LOVELY Day!

God took my breath away and swept me off my feet today...the thought of it still steals my breath.

About 3 months ago I heard this song on the radio that blessed me SO much. I was praisin Jesus like crazy driving to K-town, but at the end, the station didn't announce who the artist was.

Last month, I was in a car in Palm Bay with people that don't even know me, and the song came on. I know those people think I'm crazy, cause I got crazy excited, and asked them to stay in the car until the song was over...but, once again, the artist's name wasn't announced.

A couple of days a thought popped in my head: "I wonder if that guy that opened for Casting Crowns could be the one who sings that song." And yes! It is that guy! And yes, Wal Mart had the last Josh Bates CD today when I went looking for it.

I haven't felt this...in love...this...romanced, in quite a while.

Thank you Father, for blessing me so much today. Thank you Josh Bates for using the talents God's given you to praise His name.

7.12.2006

Couldn't Have Said It Better

God's love is so relentless in its pursuit of our terrified hearts. The love of God will hunt you down until you finally spin around in exasperation and admit how cherished you are. It gives us confidence when comfort is MIA. It gives our stories context and hope when somebody else recklessly rips out a chapter. It fills in the blanks. The love of God hoists us up on the shoulders of Jesus and hollers out the promise of St. Paul, "I can do ALL things through Christ, who gives me strength!" It scoops us up and makes us brave.

-Nichole Nordeman

D.O.M.B.

"You need to stop thinkin about what you think you lost, and look forward to what there is to gain. It's a new life, baby. It's right in front of you. All you've got to do is reach out and grab it...By waking up every morning and thanking God that you did - and you ask Him to help you. Just ask the Savior to help you."

-Myrtle Jean

7.10.2006

Pretty Place



This is one of the most breathtaking places I've ever been. It's so overwhelming, that from the moment you step in until you've made it half way down the mountain, you're speechless. At least I am. I wish I was there now...

For Real

Let me be real for a second. Yea, I'm ok. I know God's got His hand on me, I know He's gotta plan for me, and I know that He's protecting me from heartache so much greater than I've experienced this past month or so. But don't think it doesn't hurt like crazy, that sometimes, for a split second, I feel so empty and so alone and so hopeless and so ripped in half that I can't breathe and it takes a strength that's not my own to start again. I can't describe to you what it feels like "knowing" what your future consists of, of having a two-year plan, and being so certain that it was God's will, only to find out that you were wrong. I'm left not only wondering what the stink the next 2 months holds for me, much less two years, but also wondering if it's ever really possible to "know" God's will for your life. I constantly find myself asking, "what did all of that stuff mean, God? All that stuff that made me so 'sure'? Was I ever really sure? Was it all just some self made fantasy!?"

This whole process of retrospection, and self-evaluation and sad realization has got me so jacked up that I really don't know who I am. So now, when you think of me, know that I don't have it as together as it appears. Let me go ahead and step down from any pedestal that some may have me on. I'm sick of knowing that if people knew who I really am, they'd probably wish they never knew me in the first place.

Praise God that He is so faithful and never leaves me hanging, never leads me on, and doesn't fill me with empty promises. Praise God that He SHOWS me love, instead of just saying it. Praise Him that He never disappoints.

This is me admitting that I don't have it all together, and I never will if I'm the one writing the story.

This is me surrenduring every chamber of my heart to Him, and giving Him the pen.

7.07.2006

When I look at you...

I saw "Madea's Family Reunion" last night. Although it's not quite as quotable as "Diary of A Mad Black Woman," there was one line I absolutely loved.

"When I look at you, I know there is a God."

That just leaves me speechless. How amazing would it be to KNOW that people see God when they look at you? Uh...quite amazing!

That reminds me of another quote from "I am not but I know I AM."

"Success would mean people loving Him more than any of us, clamoring for His touch more than ours."

7.06.2006

Bored at work...

You know what I just noticed for the first time ever? In that N'Sync song "Bye Bye Bye," they say "Hey Hey" first. Isn't that odd?

If you read this, and have other odd things you'd like to share...feel free.

7.02.2006

Home Again

Camp was...an experience. I actually wrote a journal entry in my "real" journal on the way home yesterday that I'll add later, which basically sums camp up, for the most part.

Surprisingly, I miss being there. We had a pretty rocky start, and it wasn't until Thursday that I really opened myself up to God, and got out of His way. (Well, at least my thoughts got out of His way.) I was being quite negative, because the people there shocked me. Here are some things that I heard/saw in the first day:

(In worship) "I left my cigarettes!"
(From one of our girls) "A guy just walked into that room, and the girl only had a towel on."

You think that's shocking? I'm not gonna tell you what else happened... And the adult "chaperones" didn't care. The staffers on the other hand, were nothing short of AMAZING. They were such a blessing. I'd love to be on the FUGE staff for a summer.

God made His presence known to me, and to our youth, for sure. I've gotta cut this short, will finish later...