5.21.2008

Midnight Fright

I just had an encounter with not one but three roaches.

The first was on my bedroom door. I intended on throwing a shoe at it, but didn’t out of fear that it would run and/or fly after me. Then I had a genius thought; hairspray. If I sprayed it, it would freeze, and thus cure my fear of being chased.

After maintaining composure, I managed to stretch my arm to an unnatural length, open my bedroom door, and escape. As I opened the bathroom cabinet to grab my hairspray, I discovered an equally monstrous roach right next to it. I jumped into the hall and said, “God, why? Why roaches? Why me?”

As I frantically searched the walls around me for others, I noticed a bottle of Windex above the washing machine and heard a distant voice say, “Put some Windex on it!” So I did, and it worked. The roach was paralyzed.

I walked to the kitchen to get the broom and, lo and behold, there was another little monster on the kitchen floor. I kicked the broom to make sure there wasn’t a roach on it (at that point, I wouldn’t have been surprised if there was), picked it up, and stretched it out above the roach on the floor. I slammed it down, missed. The roach went running toward the darkness of the dining room, and I in the opposite direction.

I made it back to my room where I smacked the roach down to the floor, and whopped it 5 or 6 times until it finally died. I swept it out of my room, and into the bathroom, where I whopped it once more to be sure. Then I shoved the broom into the cabinet in an attempt to scare the other roach out, but it just scurried to the back. I gave up the fight, inspected every inch of my room, and grabbed three towels.

Those towels are currently wedged between the bottom of my closet and bedroom doors. They are my only protection from those demons of the dark.