Madea-isms

*(Note: Madea is ghetto. Read it that way.)

~You can't change people son. I don't know what makes folks think they can change somebody. You can't change nobody, that is a waste of time…sittin around tryin to change somebody. Maya Angelou said it best. She said, "If someone shows you who they are, believe them."

~When you lie to people it makes people doubt everything you ever say from that point on or everything you ever said. All you gotta do is tell the truth.

~Get up and go on with your life. It's alright to sit around and be depressed for a minute. Cry about it, do whatever you have to, but don't stay there too long. Get up and go on with your life. This is what I learned in all my years on this earth: If somebody wants to walk out of your life, let them go. Especially if you know you done done everything you can do, you done sat around and been the best man or best woman you can be and they still wanna go, let em go. Whatever they runnin after they'll see what they had in a minute but then it's gonna be too late. Cause half these people you sittin around cryin about, in two or three years, you ain't even gonna remember they're last name. Let folks go.

~Some people come into your life for a lifetime, some come for a season. You got to know which is which. You're gonna always mess up when you mix them seasonal people up with lifetime expectations. We got people that got married with people they only supposed to be with for a season, and they wonder why they have so much hell in their life. That was a person that was supposed to come and teach you one thing. You didn't know it so you just fell in love, and now you wonder why don't got no peace anywhere you go.

~No, no…listen. I put everybody that come in my life in the category of a tree. Some people are like leaves on a tree. The wind blows, they over there. They unstable. Blows the other way, they over here. Seasons change, they wither and die, they gone. That's alright. Most people in the world are like that. They just there to take from the tree. They there to take and give shade every now and then. That's all they can do. But don't get mad at em, that's who they are. Some people are like a branch on that tree. You gotta be careful with them branches too cause they'll fool you. They'll get there and make you think they a good friend and real strong, but the minute you step out there on em, they'll break and leave you high and dry. But if you find you two or three people in your life that's like the roots at the bottom of the tree, you are blessed. They're the kind of people that ain't goin nowhere. They ain't worried about bein seen, don't nobody have to know that they know you, they ain't got to know what they doin for you. But if them roots wasn't there that tree couldn't live. You understand? When you get you some roots hold on to em. But the rest of it you let it go. Just let folks go.

~Ain't nobody said it was gonna be easy but it'll get easy when you learn how to love yourself. If you tell somebody that "what you doin is hurtin me and I need you to stop" and then they keep doin it, they don't care, move on, let em go. No matter how much it hurts, let em go. And it'll get easier I promise you. Every day it'll get easier and easier and easier. You just gotta make it through.

~You gotta learn how to be by yourself. People have to learn how to be alone. I don't understand people who go "I need somebody. Lord, where is my man, Lord where is my woman?" That is crazy... If you don't know how to be by yourself, what you gonna do with somebody else? Stop prayin about it. Shut up and wait. Go work on you. That's what that time is for, for you to go get yo'self together. You would be surprised at the things people put up with just to hear somebody say they love em. That's crazy. I don't understand it. I can't live in dysfunction, I'm sorry.

-Madea
"Madea Goes to Jail"

Brief Summary of '06

I want to try and sum up some key lessons of this year before it ends...

This year has been so unforgettable. What God has revealed to me in these very short 12 months will follow me for the rest of my life. More than anything He taught me how faithful He is. He showed me that I had put hope in someone other than Him...and that the person I placed so much trust in wasn't as faithful as I'd hoped he'd be. But God said, "I AM."

He showed me that His will will be done. Period. I can obey the first time...or I can learn the hard, painful way.

He pointed out to me that I put Him in a box, limited His power (in my mind), and put Him on a schedule.

He rebuked that.

He reminded me that He sent His son so that we don't have to live broken lives...He came to heal and restore.

He recalled the accounts of healing that are recorded in His word, and reminded me that without FAITH I won't be healed.

He blessed me with incredible friends...a "sisterhood".

He poured His love on me, and promised me that He will eternally do so.

21

I just spent 3 hours studying for my Macro final...well, technically, if you calculate all the ADD moments, i probably spent no more than 2 and a half hours. but, i'm just really over macro.

so, tomorrow's my birthday. andrew dubbed today my "birthday eve". cute. wait...let me start with Monday. i had a surprise party! yaaaaay! and i was really surprised...shockingly so...especially since Kati kinda told me that it was going to happen.

anyway...i am so excited about not being 20 anymore. 20 is definitely not for me. this was an extremely challenging year. i know it's almost over, but i think God will constantly use the events of this year to teach me, and to remind me of how faithful and personal He is. oh, and how no matter what, His will is going to be done...and if I don't obey the first, second, third...maybe even fifth time...it's gonna happen...and it's gonna be a whole lot harder and hurt a whole lot worse. i'm so glad He loves me enough, and has the patience to show me that.

let's see...what else shall i say...

Praise the Lord for the end of one more semester! 5 down, 5 to go...

"I am a Christian"

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,
Now I'm found and forgiven."

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
And need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
Who received God's good grace, somehow.

-Maya Angelou

The "not-so-lovely" UNF

I was just reading over my past posts and got to the one about me realizing I needed to stay in Jacksonville. I'm so glad I wrote that...so that tonight, when I looked back at it, (like God knew was going to happen) I would realize, once again, how faithful and sovereign and amazing He is. I am having the time of my life. At UNF. I know, I know, it just doesn't make sense...but it's true. I've got the wonderful single Christian women-friends that I've been praying for for over a year, and the awesome fellowship with people who are in love with Jesus. So, this will be my post of praise to God for blessing me so unexpectedly with this place, and for loving me enough to tell me that He had something better in store, for reminding me that I, like always, don't know what I want/need...but He does.

Embracing Accusation

father of lies
coming to steal kill and destroy
all my hopes of being good enough

i hear him saying
"cursed are the ones who can't abide"
he's right
hallelujah, he's right

the devil is preaching the song of the redeemed
that i am cursed and gone astray
i cannot gain salvation

embracing accusation

could the father of lies
be telling the truth of God to me tonight
that if the penalty of death is sin
then death is mine

the devil's singing over me
an age old song
that i am cursed and gone astray
singing the first verse so conveniently over me
he's forgotten the refrain

JESUS SAVES

-Shane and Shane

"For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, 'Cursed be everyone who does not abide by all things written in the Book of the Law, and do them'."
-Galatians 3: 10

"Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: 'Cursed is everyone who is hung on a tree'."
-Galatians 3:13

Ransomed Heart

Life is a Story. This is true for every soul.

It is a love story, we assure you. But it is set in the midst of a life and death battle. That is why it seems so hard.

The story of your life is the story of the journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. It is the story of the long and sustained assault on your heart by the Enemy who knows who you could be and fears you. But it is also the story of the long and mysterious pursuit of your heart by the God who knows you truly and loves you deeply.

-www.ransomedheart.com

Wonderful News!

For the past month my family and I have awaited the results of a test, a test that contained information that could have changed our lives. A mass was found in my mom, and the doctor believed it may be cancer. But today we found out that it's nothing. I can't begin to express how that news felt to me. I can't begin to help someone understand (that hasn't experienced it) how something like that can plague you. It was more than just the knowledge that I may potentially lose my mom. It was knowing that she had to deal with that information too. There was nothing I could do to help. There's nothing any person can do to calm the thoughts and fears that rage within someone as they await the outcome of test after test. It broke my heart to be completely helpless in that situation.

There is One who does help though, a Comforter like no other. Phillippians 4:6-7 came to life for us: "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I can assure you that I've tasted of this peace, that my mom tasted of this peace. If the outcome would have been different, it wouldn't have changed the fact that God assured me of His sovereignty. I can not hold all things together, but the One who does has my life, and my mom's life, in His hands. There is no doubt in my mind that he holds everything perfectly there, no matter how imperfect it may be to my eyes.

Passion and Purity

I went to the hospital today to figure out what's going on...and I still don't know. I'm on this medicine that's supposed to make me feel better, but the side effects are worse than what the medicine is supposed to be curing me of.

I took the book "Passion and Purity" with me to read while waiting, and when I got to the 'window' to get my prescription, the Pharmacy Tech (or whatever he was) proceeded to irritate me with his lame attempts at flirting. But that's beyond the point. He asked me what I was reading, I told him, and then he replied, "Doesn't sound like a book I'd be interested in," or something along those lines. I wanted to ask, "Which part, the passion or the purity?" but I'm pretty sure I know what the answer would've been.

Anyway, the whole thing lead to this thought: It's impossible to fully experience passion apart from purity. Purity is the essence of the One who created passion, therefore, passion without purity can never be what God intended it to be.

Always

Did You rise the sun for me?
Paint a million stars that I might know Your majesty?
Is Your voice upon the wind
Is everything I know marked with my Maker's fingerprints?
Breathe on me, let me see Your face
Forever I will seek You
Cause all You are is all I want, Always
Draw me close in Your arms,
oh God, I wanna be with You
Can I feel You in the rain?
Abandon all I am to have You capture me again.
Let the earth resound with praise
Can you hear as all creation lives to glorify one name?
Breathe on me, let me see Your face
Forever I will seek You.
Cause all You are is all i want, always
Draw me close in Your arms, oh God
I wanna be with You

-Hillsong United

Still at Shore

This song is so haunting...and so perfectly written. I wish I could take credit for it.

when pain turns to years
it goes away
a memory far gone
so bittersweet
and sweet it is to taste recovering
the loss of my friend

but why haunts this hunger
to love her
my ship set its sail
a long time ago
my mind has said its farewell
and my lips have declared "it's time"
but my heart cannot say its goodbye

now it's only in my dreams
have i been there
her eyes so in love
her kiss so real
now if only i could stay
and dream a while
if a dream lasts a lifetime

but why haunts this hunger to love her
my ship set its sail
a long time ago
my mind has said its farewell
my lips have declared "it's time"
but my heart cannot say it's goodbye

my ship has set its sail
but still at shore
my heart cannot say its goodbye

-Shane and Shane

Reflection

My outlook on relationships has been rather negative for a while. Specifically, that they're overrated. To an extent, I believed the same to be true about marriage. I had always hoped for my 'relationship' to be a reflection of Christ's love for the church.
This was my idea of what the reflection should look like: perfection. I'd never get my feelings hurt, or be disappointed, disrespected, underappreciated...Jesus's love doesn't produce those feelings.

So, when that 'relationship' failed miserably, and produced every one of the afforementioned feelings/emotions, I lost much of that hope. A recent conversation with a great friend (married friend) gave me the slap I deserved for being so selfish and closed-minded...so dumb! I'll paraphrase:

Marriage is so hard. It's unbelievably hard. But the blessings of marriage, the blessing OF marriage, is unbelievably amazing. You share a life with this human being that you love more than you yourself can even understand. They know everything about you; the deep, dark, hidden things, the nasty attitudes, the selfish desires, the gross habits...they see you at your absolute worst. They see you in a way no one else does, yet they love you more than they themselves can even understand, in spite of who you are.

Hmm...I do believe that this is the most accurate reflection of Christ's love for the church that could possibly exist. He loved us in spite of who we are, and gave everything to call us His own.

Free

I knew that once classes started I'd never have time to post things.

God has been showing me some awesome things lately. (Some heartbreaking, but the fact that God shows me things is just awesome in itself.) I've been reading Hebrews. I'm going to write down some things from my QT journal...so, the thought process throughout all of it may be quite random.

We have a High Priest, and not just a man who's a sinner just like the rest of us. Our High Priest sits right next to the Majety of heaven, He serves in the true tabernacle, not the one that's just a shadow of it here on earth. Like earthly priests, it's necessary for Him to bring an offering-so He brought Himself...for us. The sacrifices offered by the high priest were just external regulations, and only cleansed externally, only made one outwardly clean. Jesus-beautiful, sweet Jesus-brought His blood in the Most Holy Place-a once and for all offering-perfect, righteous, sufficient, redemptive. He brought the Blood that goes so far beyond the "external" filth than we can see-His blood cleanses our consciences, cleanses my conscience, from all of the stupid mistakes I've made-the deliberate sin and filthiness of my life. His blood sets me free-free to serve and worship the One who created all things.

Moved In

I'm finally back "home," so I'll be able to update more frequently, since I have a computer all to myself! Woo!

I don't have much time at the moment, but I do want to "jot down" a thought I had the other day:

God never tells me He loves me. He never once says, "I love you". But never once do I doubt that it's true...because God's way of expressing love proves it. We all know some people say those famous three words, but they're easy to say. It's much more of a challenge to show it. And that's exactly what God does. He clothed His son in flesh, and nailed Him to a cross. That SCREAMS "I love you" leaving no room for doubt.

So here's a challenge I'm posing to myself: leave no room for others to doubt my love for them. I'll admit, it seems pretty impossible, but with Christ, I can do all things.

Virtuous Woman

What makes you think that just because I am an attractive woman of Godly intelligence that I’m incomplete without a mate? Who told you that without a man something is missing from my life? And if so, what would that be? Love? I love myself, and more importantly, I love the Lord. He told me that when I delight in Him, He would give me the desires of my heart. Security? I have everything I need according to His riches and glory. Intimacy? How is a man going to get to know me if he doesn’t know who he is in the Lord? See, my Father told me that I’m above a ruby’s worth, and a gem does not seek, it is sought. I’m single and that’s all right with me. It’s not that I oppose relationships, it’s that I detest co-dependency. As a woman I know it is not my role to chase after any man. Esther 2:14 reads that I am to wait on my king, and when he is delighted in me, he will call me by my name. My Lord does not intend for me to be needy or desperate. I am to be cherished, relished, valued, and honored. It’s not my job to convince or convict a man of that. My mate will already know it and consistently show it. So, when you see me by myself, I’m not alone. I’m being romanced by the One who created it. I’m single and saved, and right now, that’s all I need to be.

Strong Enough

As I rest against this cold, hard wall
oh Will you pass me by?
Will you criticize me as I sit and cry?
I had fought so hard and thought that all my battles had been won
Only to find the war has just begun

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

Will my weakness for an hour
Make me suffer for a life time
Is there anyway to be made whole again?
If I'm healed, renewed and find forgiveness
Find the strength I've never had
Will my scars forever ruin all God's plan?

Is He not strong enough?
Is He not pure enough?
To break me, pour me out, and start again
Is He not brave enough?
To take one chance on me
Please can I have one chance to start again?

He took my life into his hands and it turned it all around
In my most desperate circumstance
It's there I finally found

That You are strong enough
That You are pure enough
To break me, pour me out and start again
That You are brave enough
To take one chance on me
Oh Thank You for my chance to start again

-Stacie Orrico

Show me

You know what bugs me? Adults...the ones in church who refuse to leave "high school".

As a Christian, regardless of your age, you're a role model. These kids, these youth, they don't wanna hear you preach at them, they don't wanna be told how to have faith, how to "live like a good little Christian." They wanna see it. I wanna see it. Show us your faith...show us how to walk like Jesus, show me what this "call to die" is all about.

I'm convinced that the mediocrity that plagues young Christian's today is a disease inherited by the 'leadership' we're supposed to be following.

Mercy and Grace

A few scholars have put forward the neat and simple proposition that the Old Testament uses mercy while the New Testament speaks of grace.

The truth is more elusive, like the words themselves. Think of it this way: Mercy is God witholding the punishment we rightfully deserve. Grace is God not only withholding that punishment but offering the most precious gifts instead.

Mercy witholds the knife from the heart of Isaac.
Grace provides a ram in the thicket.

Mercy runs to forgive the Prodigal Son.
Grace throws a party with every extravagance.

Mercy bandages the wounds of the man beaten by the robbers.
Grace covers the cost of his full recovery.

Mercy hears the cry of the thief on the cross.
Grace promises paradise that very day.

Mercy pays the penalty for our sin at the cross.
Grace substitutes the righteousness of Christ for our wickedness.

Mercy converts Paul on the road to Damascus.
Grace calls him to be an apostle.

Mercy saves John Newton from a life of rebellion and sin.
Grace makes him a pastor and author of a timeless hymn ("Amazing Grace").

Mercy closes the door to hell.
Grace opens the door to heaven.

Mercy withholds what we have earned.
Grace provides blessings we have not earned.

-David Jeremiah
"Captured by Grace"

7/01/06

What a...week. I'm not sure if I could find one word to sum it all up with. Wait. Roller coaster. How appropriate, the theme was "thrill ride." The place was so beautiful. There was a brooke that flowed down the mountain, and through a prayer garden. A treasured memory was made there, actually, there were two. One was a quiet time on Psalm 1, under trees that lined the brooke bank. As I walked away, God surprised me with a firefly - and then more. I so love fireflies. The second was Thursday night. It was the night of the break-down. I just sat on the most hidden, tree surrounded bench and cried out. I sang to Him. He gave me a light show. We held hands that night in worship. It was our date. The best date I've ever been on...but could I have honestly expected any less? I desire intimacy like that with Him every day-the kind that's stronger and newer each time.

Update

As of Monday, I’m staying in Jacksonville. No UM for me. The day I finally got a peace about staying at lame UNF, I got the acceptance letter. I had previously said that if I got accepted I was going. God doesn’t make things that easy.

I was trying to run away. I thought if I could get away from all the places and the questions and the disappointed faces, it’d be easier to deal with. Running to Mobile wasn’t the answer. Running to God was.

I can’t leave this church, or these girls. Especially these girls. I know in a sense I already did…but I’m gonna grab on to this single season and take advantage of every opportunity to grow spiritually and serve gladly.

God whispered something to me in a Bible study back in March: The Christian life is not a call to convenience. You’ll rarely ever see the words “Christian” and “convenient” in the same sentence. So, here I stay in J–ville, at the not-so-lovely University of North Florida, despite how utterly inconvenient it’s destined to be at times.