Conqueror?

I'm in the midst of the biggest battle yet.

And I feel so defeated.

So…out of control.

I'm more than a conqueror, right?

It says so in Romans 8:37 – "No, in all things we are more than conquerors…"

Here's the key, the rest, the part I must be forgetting – "…through Him who loved us."

For some reason I can't fully process that though. What is my problem? I realized today that the heartbreak I experienced, and the fear, doubt, lack of trust that resulted, are nothing compared to the heartbreak that Jesus felt on the cross. What would we do if he held that over us? What would we do if he responded to his heartbreak the way I've responded to mine?

Here's where the battle comes in…

What if my lack of trust is legitimate? Can I really trust my heart with him? (Not talking about the Lord here…)

Sometimes when I remove myself from this situation it seems so trivial, so ridiculous. Is this something that should be weighing me down as much as it is?

Ugh…I'm so sick of thinking!

Father, teach me to trust in YOU with all my heart, and lean not on my own understanding. Make my paths straight. Forgive me for taking matters into my own hands, for not loving or forgiving like I should. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. Show me that I am more than I conqueror, not by my own strength, but solely through the perfect love of your perfect son, Jesus Christ.