Explanation

First, I must clear something up. When I said my trust got redirected, I didn’t mean I stopped trusting in my Savior. I guess the best way to explain it is to just lay it all out there…

I was in an extremely serious relationship (on the verge of engagement. Yes, we had the ring). I placed so much hope in the future marriage. I tried so hard to make sure that God was the center of that relationship, that I neglected the intimacy that I had with God before that guy even came along.

I don’t want this blog to be about him or us…I want it to be a chronicle of my destiny to decrease. "He must become greater; I must become less." -John 3:30

I love so much when God uses the natural to explain the spiritual…like Jesus did with parables. He gives me parables all the time. For example, last night in Bible study we talked about the term “on the fence.” Have you ever known someone who just doesn’t know what they want? I do. But what that person couldn’t figure out was whether or not I was “the one.” One day I heard that “God is confirming to me more and more every day that you are” and two days later it was “I’ve been having doubts for a week, I don’t know if you’re the one. I'll call you when I find out.”

God brought that to mind last night when Nina asked “So how do you think God feels when we’re on the fence about Him, and about the stands He wants us to take in our lives?” It broke my heart to know that so many times my actions void out my words: “Here am I, all of me, take my life, it’s all for Thee.” Have I ever said that and let it be true? Does He really have all of me? I wish I was sure, but my thoughts are so consumed by my present circumstances, that I doubt it. It’s my earnest desire for Him to captivate my every thought and emotion. I want the intimacy that we walked in before.

This is the promise that my faithful Creator gives me:
“Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.”

So this is where I am right now...Broken. Confused. Thankful. Blessed. Waiting. Longing for true intimacy with the One who created it.